With his once seemingly invincible campaign for the Democratic Presidential nomination now in free fall, following a third-place finish in the Iowa Caucuses and a lunatic rant to disappointed supporters that has passed into the history books as the "I have a scream" speech, the time has come for Howard Dean to tap into his greatest asset.
The very lifeblood of Dean's movement has been the clinically psychotic paronoia of his followers (we'll leave the diagnosis of the candidate himself to practicing mental health professionals, but I trust that Dr. Dean's campaign appearances will provide grist to grind for hundreds of psychiatric seminars). The Deaniac base, after all, is composed of those Democrats who truly believe that President Bush is a crypto-Nazi, who was warned by the Saudis about 9/11 but took no action in order to reap political advantage, and that the liberation of Iraq was effected to fatten the portfolios of Halliburton executives.
Notwithstanding that anyone who actually believes such things (as contrasted with simply saying them) must be mentally unhinged, a disturbingly large percentage of Democrat Primary voters fit into this category. Therefore, if Dean has any hope of salvaging his foundering campaign, it would be to fan the flames of paronoia and conspiracy theory credulity among this looney, but motivated demographic. In short, Dean must find a way to blame Bush.
If Dean's supporters can be persuaded (and these folks can be persuaded of an awful lot) that George W. Bush, and his sinister puppet-meister, Karl Von Rove, orchestrated Dean's crack-up in Iowa, his devoted followers will, to a man, brave New Hampshire's daunting weather conditions, and by sheer force of turnout provide Dean at least with the respectable second place finish he needs tomorrow to remain a serious contender. If Dean's campaign can simply live to fight another day, his advantage in money may carry him through to the nomination. In fact, anything short of a disaster in New Hampshire may put the bloom back on Dean's rose in the eyes of the Political News Media, and breathe new life into Dean's hopes.
So the question is, "how can Dean's wackiness be blamed on George W. Bush?" For starters, we should not rule out any idea as too crazy - consider some of the things Dean's supporters already believe! So try this on for size (you can suggest your own ideas, and send them to www.deanforpresident.com), The most interesting theory - and it's only a theory - is that Dick Cheney, working through his contacts in the Pharmaceutical Industry (and it is well known that members of the Pharmaceutical Industry attended Cheney's secret Energy Policy Meeting in 2001. Need I say more?), conspired to lace Dean's iced tea with mind-altering drugs (Liberal Democrats are notoriously gullible when it comes to any alibi involving iced tea) which transformed the normally even-tempered doctor into a raving maniac on Caucus night.
All this, carried out on the instructions of Karl Rove, to save George W. Bush from facing the one Democrat who has what it takes to win the Bible-thumping, pick-up truck driving, Confederate flag-waving, Gay-hating, NASCAR-fan vote.
Does this sound crazy? Good, then Dean's supporters are sure to go for it.