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LarryNaselli.com
Monday, June 14, 2004
Platform Changes Show Democrat Sincerity [PARODY]

On Saturday, John Kerry called for expanded acquisition of stem-cells from human embryos, as a means to advance research for a cure of Alzheimer's Disease. Some cynics have accused Kerry and the Democrats of exploiting Nancy Reagan's grief and loss to drive a wedge between the Bush Administration, which favors research only on existing stem-cell lines, and the millions of Americans mourning the death of the former President, who may sympathize with Mrs. Reagan's support for more stem-cell research. But, proving partisan critics wrong, Democrats have demonstrated the sincerity of their call to honor Nancy Reagan and the memory of President Ronald Reagan by obtaining from Mrs. Reagan a list of policy prescriptions on a broad range of issues, which Democrats plan to adopt into their 2004 Party Platform.

According to DNC Chairman, Terry MacAuliff, the Democrat Party has so far embraced deep across-the-board cuts in marginal income tax rates, eliminating the corporate income tax, a military buildup, including increased funding for missile defense, the elimination of the Departments of Education and Energy, and an aggressive foreign and military policy aimed at bringing America's mortal enemies to their knees.

There is, however, still minor disagreement among Party Leaders about the best way to explain to core Democrat constituencies the planned adoption of a Platform Plank condemning abortion as the immoral killing of unborn human beings. "Sure there are still a few wrinkles to iron out," said MacAuliff, "but the Democrat Party is committed to honoring Mrs. Reagan and the memory of former President Reagan, and we are certainly not about to restrict that honor to issues that could serve as a political wedge against our esteemed opposition."

MacAuliff went on to explain to reporters that Democrats want the American People to know that Kerry's conjuring of Mrs. Reagan on behalf of stem-cell policy was not an act of transparent political opportunism, as some critics have charged. "John Kerry is as sincere as the day is long," MacAuliff said, "when it comes to honoring the Reagans. And we're not going to stand by while the Republican Attack Machine trashes our candidate." The Republican Attack Machine could not be reached for comment.

Posted by larry_naselli at 10:10 AM CDT
Updated: Wednesday, June 30, 2004 10:22 AM CDT
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